Bitterness, Even in Joyous Seasons

Blindsided. Life has seemed so completely good and happy compared to my normal cycle of feelings. Summer has always been such a  joyful season to me, but for some reason I’ve been so bitter and frustrated throughout this one. Unexplainably bitter. and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t make it stop this time, heck, I couldn’t even figure out why I was bitter. My conclusion has been that I haven’t put my feelings into the right things, I haven’t put my time into the right places, and most of all, I haven’t surrendered my bitter, frustrated heart to Jesus.

What you feel is never too much for God. Something I constantly have to remind myself of. He can handle your confusing emotions with ease, my bitterness is no surprise to God. I tend to go into this mode where I try to hide my emotions from God like it makes me look more appealing to Him. Like somehow He can’t see my hurt or my anger if I don’t tell Him about it. But I think if I were honest with myself, I know that choosing to hide my brokenness from my all-seeing God is just foolish and only makes the hurt last longer because I’m not letting myself see the joy that the Lord provides, even through my hurt.

And to be honest, I need a serious heart check and attitude check right now. My pride was cringing as I wrote that. I don’t like feeling broken, or “out of tune” in my relationship with Christ, I don’t like feeling frustrated or angry or bitter. But I am out of tune and I am frustrated and bitter, and I need to deal with that. It’s just like any other relationship we have, if you don’t mend the hurting, broken parts, it only suffers further. Jesus deserves to have my heart in all completeness, bitterness and all. Because He takes us as we are, where we are, even when our pride gets in the way. He desires to hold my heart even through the mess.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled {Hebrews 12:12-15}

And that leads me to say, fix the bitterness you’re withholding before it becomes resentment. I need help with this. I’ve been knowingly holding bitterness against people in my life and I let myself live in it, let it affect all the people I’m in contact with. I’ve let it destroy me, destroy my joy, and I’ve let it destroy my ability to show Jesus’s grace to people. This passage says “see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God” this challenged me. Even those who you don’t feel deserve grace, are worthy of it in the Lord’s eyes. And that’s the goal, to see others the way Jesus does.

We’ve got limited time on this earth and I at least have been doing it all wrong. Instead of letting Jesus rule me, I’ve let emotions rule me, hurt rule me, negative feelings towards others rule me. All the while, Jesus has been waiting for me to hand it over. Because Christ is the only one who can change my bitter heart, I can’t do it on my own. So let go, hand it to Jesus, and pray, knowing that He is capable of delivering what you ask. And I pray that you let Jesus rule you. I pray that you would see the Lord’s provision and grace sooner than I have. I pray that you don’t let bitterness take hold on your heart like I’ve let happen.

Remember, Jesus is good and so full of the grace that we so desperately need.

Lord Jesus, help me to replace this bitterness I’ve been feeling with your joy.

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