Doubting God When Perfect Feels Like The Standard

I feel like doubt is something that nobody wants to talk about. Like somehow doubting God just shouldn’t happen if you’re a “good Christian” but I want to tell you before I go any further, I’m not a good Christian. I’ve never been all-faithful, all-forgiving, all-loving, or all-trusting. I’ve never been able to be completely consistent in prayer or in the Word. I’ve never been doubtless in my relationship with my Creator because I’ll never be able to be sinless. I’ll never be a good Christian.

I’ve felt almost lost in my imperfection, in my inability to look like a good follower of Jesus and I’ve been doubting God, His provision, His faithfulness, His ability to show me grace and love. and this has crushed me, it’s disoriented me…how could I doubt the only one who has ever shown me perfect provision, love, faithfulness, and grace. And never once have I experienced a lack of it but yet, still I doubt over and over again.

I don’t know where you are, or why you’re doubting God here in this place but stop striving for perfection, stop believing that you can’t admit how broken you are, let your brokenness declare your need for God, stop believing that your doubt makes you less than. You aren’t in doubt alone. Whether you are doubting His provision or love for you or you are doubting even His existence, what I want you to know is that He hasn’t doubted making you, no matter how undeserving of His love you feel, or how little faith you feel for Him, He will always remain faithful, loving and forgiving to His people.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. {James 1:5-8}

I worry about everything, I second guess everything, I doubt everything and anything. Not just God. I doubt that people who I know love me, actually love me, I doubt that I’m good enough to deserve love even from my closest of friends, I doubt that my abilities are good enough to be used, I worry that I feel too much, think too much, am too much, am not enough. But at the top of the ranks, I worry that I’m too sinful, too faithless to be loved, I doubt that God will actually provide what I need, I doubt that God can actually answer me. I’ve never said that out loud. I think I’ve always been afraid to admit that my faith isn’t as pretty as I want it to be. Whether or not these things I doubt are true, doubt is a big part of who I am and I so wish it weren’t. But this passage tells us that if we doubt, we shouldn’t expect to receive anything from the Lord. Doubt is more serious than just the interworkings of us. Doubt affects our relationship with Jesus.

And that’s personal. Or at least it should be.

Why we don’t take our sin as seriously as we should, why we are so okay with hurting our God with our sin and our doubt in the process, I have no idea. But it’s got to stop. Our pride and our doubt needs to get out of the way. So that Jesus be made the center. So that Jesus be the greatest.

I’ve walked many seasons of my life with this belief rooted in me, that the Lord will agree with what I want and give it to me just because it’s not bad for me. God will heal me, will give me this job, will send me a relationship, will not let this bad thing happen, will let me pass this class, will get me this new thing, just because they are “good” things. But let me tell you, we have no control over our God. Yes, Jesus always provides, but maybe not in the way we want provision, rather He always provides just what we need to sustain us, sometimes even through what don’t seem like such good things to us.

You won’t stop doubting God until you put your heart into scripture and into prayer and into all things Jesus. You won’t feel His provision and His love unless you look in His Word at how He has always been towards His people. He’s always been about the good of His people, He’s always desired for His people to come back to Him, even after they’ve wandered. And how can you expect to put your trust into a God that you don’t know. Instead of focusing so much on our unbelief, what if we instead focused on where He has already been faithful to us, the ways in which He has already loved us, despite how much we didn’t deserve it.

I may not be a perfect Christian, I may be very broken, and very doubtful but if Jesus be made good in any of this, in any of my doubt or imperfection, then I think it’ll be okay.  And that is what I pray for you, even if you’re struggling to see truth, if you’re struggling to feel loved or supplied for, if you’re feeling really broken, even if you are struggling with doubt, that you may remain in Jesus and lean on His goodness and His grace and love instead of doubting it. Because I promise you, He has been there and He has been working even when you couldn’t see it and He has been loving you.

And that’s the most beautiful part, He doesn’t change based on our unfaithfulness. And He never will. He’ll always be about my good. He’ll always be about loving me. He’ll always be about sustaining me. He’ll always be about walking with me.

Doubt is real. But so is Jesus.

 

 

4 thoughts on “Doubting God When Perfect Feels Like The Standard

  1. sarahprab37 says:

    Hi! Wow, I really needed this. I’ve got a Christian blog where I post all I learn from God, but lately I’ve been feeling like I have nothing to offer because I’ve been doubting God. Thank you for this blog, because it has helped me breathe a sigh of relief and have reassurance that it’s about God and not my doubt. Check out my blog if you can as well! Lovepowerandastrongmind.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

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